+ observership +

Yay, it’s your last day! Finally! 
It’s definitely been an interesting couple of months; from planning your observership to finally completing it. 

I’m so glad that what started off essentially as a ‘I’ll just get this over and done with, I’ll settle for whatever’ became such a rewarding and enjoyable experience for you.
God has truly been generous throughout it all. 
All the facepalm cringey moments of the process has only made it more memorable: your matchless ability to procrastinate, the times we ‘failed’ to find preceptors, and just silly things that have happened while you were there (my car camping, the right arm rolled sleeve tan, my waiting in the car, the ‘wedding’ at that restaurant 🤔).
I’m so glad that things worked out so well; the car getting fixed, me enjoying my time in the area, and on some days you seemed so fulfilled being there and learning. 

Those weeks after our exams up until I left were the happiest weeks all year for me. 

As much as I resented the fact that you’d be occupied during the day, somehow we made it work. I’m so glad that you were willing to stay on the Coast and drive up just for me.
I loved waking up with (well, after) you, seeing you get dressed so diligently (except the 1 week sock rotation, you need to fix that) and leaving with you in the morning, trying to work out where we last parked.
I loved the small moments at the petrol station, when I’d fill up and you’d strut in and come out with a Monster and protein bar, flashing a goofy grin. I loved seeing you set up everything, insisting that you needed to ‘get used to the routine’. I don’t even remember what we talked about, but that doesn’t matter.
I loved waiting around, preoccupying myself with silly things and thoughts, exploring new places whilst anticipating the sniff sniffs that I’d get when I’d pick you up. 

I loved hearing you tell me about the things you learnt, the people you met and mostly, hearing you dream about your own future.
I loved driving you back too, and watching you nap (always slouched and arms splayed). I loved knowing that I could take care of you in a small way, knowing that we would do more things once we were home. 
I loved how even though you were tired, you’d insist on playing games with me, (I’ll beat you in Battle Line one day) and make sure that I was fine too. 
Watching you and being with you as you went through those first two weeks made me admire you so much more. I saw a responsible H, a disciplined H, and a H that I could grow to love more and more. 
Even though we slipped up and fell into temptations, I hope from now that we won’t give up easily – persevering in godliness and faithfulness. I promise that I’ll keep trying even when things look bleak and unhopeful. 

I miss you so much, and I’m so so proud of you. 

🙃

+ 头发 +

头发，

我老不想念书。

天天看书正烦恼。我最讨厌了。
可是我知道是我自己的错。我老就该开始认认真真的念书了，天天念。这样就不会样现在后悔呢。

可是念书对我说真的不好容易。
我不行啊！

好像吻你的头发。
好想回家跟你一起睡在同一个床。

我的头发啊…

+ gone +

I had a dream that you were there,
and when I woke I thought that you were gone.
Strange.

I couldn’t tell what was reality any more; whether you had actually left and my sixth sense was hauntingly accurate, or whether I was simply overthinking out of my longing for you.

I sat there for a while.
I sat there, and let myself think that you were gone.
I was frightened, but also peculiarly at ease, because I knew that the fateful day would come eventually.

And now I sit here, fretting.
I want to call home, to know.
But I don’t want to
(know).

It makes me think that I’ve been taking things for granted all along, that phone calls are merely just a window for me to ‘relieve’ myself of my tensions and my worries. Rarely do I let the other party reciprocate that privilege.

For first time in my life do I realise how important it is to call home,
to make myself present,
for them,
and not me.

For them to know that no,
I’m here,
and not
gone.

 

+ 9272 +

Oh, I’m so grateful for you.

Suddenly; emotion. Overwhelming. All-consuming.

I’m not the most eloquent of writers, nor do I try hard enough to become one but your affection for me compels me to write about the great joy I find in my heart when I consider our friendship. Truly, joy unspeakable.

Thank you for being ever so patient with me, always.
Thank you for being ever so forgiving and gracious.
Thank you for loving Jesus the way you do, the way you submit to His Lordship.

I’m sorry for the times I’ve burdened you with my pride, my selfishness, my temper and my unresolved angst. I’m sorry for the times I’ve assumed myself above you because truly I’m nothing but hollow on the inside, and I foolishly envy the richness that you carry in your soul.

I trust you, and I know I can because you act in nothing other than genuine kindness always and I truly thank God for having blessed me with such a beautiful woman like you.
You are nothing short of spectacular, your incomparable beauty radiates from within.

Please forgive me as I stumble and as I learn from your heart of gold how to be as genuine, compassionate and servant-hearted as you are. Please be patient with me as I learn gratitude and gentleness from you; as you seek to love and serve your family, friends and our Lord. You have  modeled Christ and have taught me so much but I have so much more to learn, so much further to go.
I know that my endless apologies won’t do, for your endless kindness outdoes them all.

I fear the day when we’ll cease to be with each other,
when we won’t have the time
or the energy
to meet, to sit,
and to be still – together.

I like to think what we have is incredibly special; I gave up on the notion of ‘best friend’-ships long ago, but having you by my side these past months gives me hope.
But there are times when I don’t dare trust this hope; in case something goes wrong along the way.

I dread the day when you’ll see me for who I am,
the day you might choose to give up on me
– I’ll understand if you do –
or the day that I won’t be able to run to you
with all my fears and woes.

You are truly too good to be true;
too loyal, too genuine and too kind.

I’m scared of resenting you, of hurting you and pushing you further away; I’m sorry if I do. I promise to fight as hard with all that I have and for as long as I can for this friendship because JSLL, I love you – I really, truly, do.

… and I could only wish that you might feel the same way too.